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Warm up – Mime/Milk/Dildo

Warm up writing exercise: I poll followers for three things to include in a short vignette, then give myself 20 minutes to bang one out.

Today’s three things

  1. Spilled milk
  2. An electric dildo
  3. A sarcastic mime

 

Today’s vignette

Philippe stuffed the dildo back in the box, shoved the box in his jacket, and rushed out the door. He had exactly eight minutes before he was late for work, and he just knew fucking Jack would be standing in the foyer waiting to see if he could finally fire Hot Flicks’ newest employee. Being late for the fifth time was bad enough, but if Jack caught him with company property… Philippe knew he shouldn’t have brought the dildo home to show his roommates, but it was controlled with an app and he couldn’t pass up the chance to prank Sarah.

He should have, though. He couldn’t afford to lose this job – not that the pay was all that great, or the job that fun (turned out working for an adult film company isn’t the non-stop party he’d hoped it would be). But local, third shift jobs weren’t just hanging from the trees ripe for the picking, and Philippe had student loans to pay and one fifth of a rent to cover, so, he sped up.

He had six minutes to go when he spotted the Insomnia Cookies sign and knew he was in trouble. He shouldn’t have come this way…

Three minutes later he stumbled out of the cookie shop juggling a fresh-baked Black & White and a bottle of milk, sampling both on the run. The brownstone that Hot Flicks operated out of was one avenue away, so if he jogged he might just make it. Then one of Time Square’s panhandling Characters stepped in front of him. Not a Spider-Man, or a Superman. A freaking MIME, complete with the beret and the stripped shirt.

The mime had both hands and both eyebrows up, mouth in an “O”, blocking his path.

“I don’t have TIME for this, asshole!” he shouted, juking left. The mime stepped right, his hands describing an invisible wall separating them. Philippe gave him his best New Yorker ‘don’t fuck with me’ glare. The mime put both hands on his chin, feigning shock, then turned them around to give Phillippe the finger, twice.

With wordless shout Philippe tried to dash passed the mime, but the street-performer was ready and “rope-pulled” himself directly into the way. They crashed together, flattening the bottle of milk between them, sending a geyser of dairy up and into both of their faces.

This time when Philippe glared at the mime it worked. He turned and fled, laughing. Philippe’s phone buzzed.

He signed, slung milk from his hands, and pulled out the phone. It was a text from Jack. “Don’t bother showing up. You are fired.”

Philippe turned and started slowing back to go home and clean up. He shoved his phone in his jacket and felt the contraband held there.

“Well,” he mumbled, trying to look on the bright side, “at least I got something out of this…free dildo!”

 

 

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The CLUTCH Audio Book. Boom.

LISTEN UP!

Clutch Audio

Much as a twisted creature of the meteorite-strewn Earth of 2033, CLUTCH: Book One of the Wrecked Earth has mutated into a new form… a kick-ass AUDIO BOOK!

Narrated by the protean vocal talents of the amazing Nicholas Wilde, CLUTCH is 4 hours and 52 minutes of METEOR-dodging, MONSTER-slaying, MUTANT-hunting ACTION! Nick takes the gripping text and brings it to life with unique & distinct character voices, entertaining & ear-pleasing narration, and judicious sound effects & perfect pacing!

Take a listen to a sampling (at either of the following links) and then hie on over to Audible or Amazon and snag yourself a copy. Don’t forget to leave a review (clicking on # of stars counts!) and tell your buds…

So there I was, driving up I-95 with Amy Chu, Matthew Rosenberg and Sean Von Gorman…

…on our way to Baltimore Comic Con, and Amy goes “Hey, we should do some kind of pizza rat comic anthology…”

I smoothly held out my phone and displayed the sketch Kelly Williams had done a few nights previous where he had expressed that he would be down for doing a pizza rat comic. Amy and I looked at each other and nodded, the four of us shook hands all around, and just like that the greatest comic-themed hijacking of the American zeitgeist went down.

I may be remembering this a little differently than it actually happened, but…anyway, by the time BCC had wrapped up we had a plan.

And I do so love it when a plan comes together.

Check it out!

WHO IS PIZZA RAT (dot com!)

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Hydebound

Hydebound was a finalist in the last round of DC Comic’s online comic venture Zuda. It asks the question “What if Robert Louis Stevenson’s most famous work of fiction, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde…wasn’t fiction after all?”

You can read the entire comic here in the gallery below. If you need help reading it, just click the link below the image that says view full size.


The Seven Stones Seventh Day Report

Seven Stones

What an exciting seven days it has been.

We launched just before the stroke of midnight CT on August 2nd, caught some attention, and sailed to a $2040 mark as of this writing! Thanks entirely to the passionate efforts of our seven writers and seven artists, which is a true testament to their dedication to this project! Jeremy, Emily, Kelly, Howard, Willie, Scott, Kennon, Craig, Chris, Brain, Nic, Jeremiah, Daniel and Dustin… you are all aces in my book.

As are each and every one of the 49 backers who have come into the fold. You all are making this dream come true!

We have three weeks to go, and according to Kicktraq we are trending towards $9,000, which is great but kind of a hollow figure (because you just never can tell). All I know is that we are hoping to at least hit our funding goal and will…

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sacrifice_by_dannycruz4-d553uzuYou see that book over there? On the right. You can’t miss it—the one with the massive guy swinging the axe with the teeth and the shark face? Yeah. The awesome one. That cover was drawn by Danny Cruz (and colored by the tremendous Kelly Williams), the ubertalent behind many of the designs of MONSTER, cover artist for the G.I. JOE and GHOSTBUSTERS comics, and one of the hottest DeviantArt pages you ever did see. (Yes, the demon up top was taken from there. Without permission, so don’t tell Danny.)

I am thrilled to announce that Mr. Cruz has taken a crowbar to his tightly packed schedule and made room to create the art that will grace the sequel to CLUTCH… SUNDER: Book Two of The Wrecked Earth!

I happen to have the inside scoop on what the cover will look like (since, you know, I’m writing the book)…

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The Aftermath Project

Screen of TAPI promise, the end of the world is not all I think about.

It just happens to be a subject that fascinates me, and although the glut of pre- and post-apocalyptic fiction may be turning off some, I hold that the subject will never completely lose its appeal. And let’s hope so, since I’ve embarked on a pretty hefty commitment to writing novels set in The Wrecked Earth for a while, and I’ve just resurrected my Armageddon-friendly blog The Aftermath Project.

The Aftermath Project will be a place to discuss the End in any and all of its forms, both popular and niche, ubiquitous and esoteric. What is your favorite flavor of world-ending catalysts? Self-aware robot rebellion? The rainbow plague? Un-ending meteoric annihilation? Chances are if it hasn’t been discussed over at The Aftermath Project, just hang around: it will be.

Or even better, kick off the discussion yourself! We are always eager to jaw about any and all aspects of the End Times and Those That Come After.  Like we like to say over there: no matter the flavor of Apocalypse, after The End comes The Aftermath.

First Review of Clutch

Kristine Chester  is the first to write up a review for my novel CLUTCH, and it went live this morning over at Fanboy Comics.

There are no stars or rankings on reviews over at Fanboy, at least so far as I can see, and I like that. It requires you to read through the review and take everything the reviewer says into consideration.

I have to say, it is a special feeling when someone intelligently re-packages story and concept that you slaved over and presents it to the world, often in ways that are different from how you would do it. Chester highlights some of the things that makes Clutch, the character, special, along with the work I put into developing character in this novel.  I’m still grinning about it.

She also points out some rust-spots, one in the presentation/flow of the story and one in formatting for the digital world. I appreciate both, have taken the former under advisement (which is always the best way to begin with critique) and have already taken action on the later.

I hope to see more reviews pop up in the near future!